Tears of Polaris

Last week has been so much full of emotion that I haven’t been able to get around to writing about it until today. Sigh. Here it goes…

Classes resumed last Monday. I had my genetics lecture at 2pm. We began our topic on molecular genetics taught by one of our last year’s genetics lecturers. Although it was all incredibly interesting, it was challenging getting back into learning mode. By the end of the lecture I felt incredibly overwhelmed. Coming home I thought about that lab report on PCR that I had to finish writing by Thursday. Sigh. What has to be done gets done. After writing some genetics cue cards I spent the rest of the day working on the lab report.

On Tuesday I had media studies. We got told in the lecture that our assignments have been marked and we can collect them. So I went to get my assignment after the lecture…along with about 300 other media studies students. The queue was enormous. I waited a bit. It didn’t look like I’d get anything back anytime soon. Then, catching a glimpse of my bus I went home. I wasn’t ready to get my assignment back that day. That evening I pounded over my lab report. I finished everything apart from some calculations. They were so frustrating! And nobody I knew had done them! I was so confused. Different people said different things. But what is right? Feeling tired and frustrated I went to bed.

On Wednesday I went to get my media studies assignment before my genetics lecture. Thoughts kept running through my mind about my last years horrid experience of the English paper that I took. C+ C+ C+ for every essay I wrote! I hadn’t been able to figure out what’s wrong. But that was last year… Pushing those thoughts out of my mind I went and got my assignment… which turned out to be…a B+!!!! Yippee!!! So I’m not terrible at essays after all! The comment that my tutor wrote was also very encouraging, and after my genetics lecture (which was great, as usual!) I went home feeling happy…

Wednesday turned out to be the most positive day I’d have that week. Thursday came. My lab report due. I still hadn’t figured out those calculations. I was frustrated and confused. Hoped to ask someone before the lab. That day we worked in the computer room sequencing mtDNA data to find out what bird a feather came from. Several hours had passed and I still wasn’t getting anywhere with my data. My lab partner had almost finished everything! I had very vaguely found out how to do calculations for the previous lab report… Had media tutorial. Came back to the lab, continued attempting to sequence DNA. No luck. Then we get our previous assignment on PCR back. I just passed. This was the last straw. Went back to DNA sequencing…but couldn’t concentrate. I could feel tears flowing down my face. I couldn’t make them stop. Nobody noticed me cry…apart from my lab partner. He came over to me and helped me with everything. I was extremely grateful. At loss for words. Before I knew it, I was done.

I couldn’t wait to get out of the lab. Although the assignment I got back had useful comments, there was nothing I could do to improve my current report. It was done. Due now and couldn’t be changed. I felt so angry. Why can’t we get proper instructions for lab reports this year? Why do we always find out what needs to be done after its done? It can’t possibly be explained as being a 3^rd year thing. In genetics we get everything explained! Why not in labs? Oh how much I love genetics! I handed the lab report in and grabbing a biology prospectus for post graduate study I went home.

Mum and Dad were going out when I got home. I went to my room. I was still upset. Someone told me that grade point average for post graduate study entry was raised to a B+ this year. I didn’t want to believe it. But I found it true. All my emotions from that day seemed to combine into one big blob. I sat in my room and cried, and cried and cried. Although I felt like crying all night, I didn’t want to. I needed to blurt everything out. So I called Sonia and we talked. I felt so much better afterwards. I love my friends.

The next day the impact of Thursday had worn off, mostly anyway. I went to my genetics lecture feeling grateful that I have genetics as a subject that I absolutely love. Saturday and Sunday I spent working on my Immunogenetics essay due the following Monday. The disease I chose to write about was DiGeorge syndrome. It was fascinating, and I found it hard to keep to the approximate word number suggested!

So this was my first week back at university… oh and I also found that I have my exams in June on the 6^th and the 21^st. So that was another positive aspect for the week. I have plenty of time to study in between my exams!