...don't cry...

I feel like I want to cry. Don’t know what has gotten into me today. This morning I woke up feeling fine. At 10am I met Melissa M near Sacred Heart College and then the two of us went for a walk. It was so nice to see her again! She had been in Malaysia for the past few months and now she’s back! We just walked and talked nonstop about the normal things that people talk about at the beginning of the year –starting classes, subjects, life in general. Felt so great! We didn’t even realize where we were walking! Supposedly we were walking back to my house but then we finally realized we were walking around the block, around Sacred Heart!

As we walked past the outside of E24 I saw Mrs Burrell and Mrs Dick through the window blinds, and the classroom and everything, and suddenly I felt really sad. It’s a horrible feeling. I mean, I haven’t been at school for 2 years now so supposedly I should not be feeling school sick right now… but I am. Grrr! I really should have gone in and said hi... will definately do next time... I felt terrible afterwards!

It felt so nice talking to Melissa and I realized just how much I missed having my close friends around. And that made me think of school again… Don’t get me wrong I love university to bits… but there are some things that are just missing…like having close friends around, and knowing everyone really well. At university you meet heaps of new people and stuff like that, but are they really your friends??? So far I’ve managed to make one friend who I actually consider a friend and not just an acquaintance. Sigh. It’s just so hard, with everyone doing their own thing and there’s just no time for meeting up and chatting, and getting to know people for who they really are.

When we returned to my house I received my offer of study, and found that I was rejected for 3 of my papers for this year! I felt so frustrated! I knew I didn’t have some of the required prerequisites but I put so much effort into writing my explanations for exception! I wrote them like debates, arguing my point of view. It’s so stupid. I only didn’t have one of the prerequisites for each paper…I really thought they’d let me take 200-level English and marine biology… sigh. It’s so stupid how lecturers don’t even know who we are. I mean, if they knew how we were really dedicated to our studies and willing to learn they would let us do papers we want and make exceptions. When we left school there were teachers that knew us back to front and we would remember them for life. At university it is just not the same. I was so glad I had Melissa there to talk to at that moment or else I really would have been in tears.

So now I have to sort out what 3 papers I can do instead. Sigh. Luckily this is almost my final year of choosing papers… next year for honors I can only do 4 papers and the choice range is small… hopefully I will get into honors. And then at teachers college you get all your papers on a plate!! Yeehhaa!!! No more choosing subjects!!... Still have to find two referees for my teachers college enrollment... have a couple of ideas...

All I need is just a little patience… and everything will be ok…

(I really hate grumbling like this, but it always helps if I can get everything out, and then I don’t feel so depressed.)